My name change journey

Short version

It'll surprise most people that I've been wanting to change my last name for decades. If you want to know why you'll have to read the long version.

birth name: Natalie Jené Hatter
name change: Jeneé Elaine Hart

It's ok if you continue to call me Natalie. I won't holler, "deadnaming!" Though Jeneé is not new it hasn't been in the spotlight. It'll take a minute to get used to.

Long version

➜ One fine August morning in the 70s

This story only partially begins with my birth and the family name added to my birth certificate that day. By that point, my biological father had already shit the bed as a husband and father. Regardless I was given the Hatter surname because he's the father and that is how it's done.

This story isn't about patriarchy.

➜ Shedding a couple letters

Pretty much as long as I can remember I have considered changing my last name. Not just because I have wanted to separate myself from an absent father. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have heard, "has anyone ever called you the Mad Hatter?" 🙄 Then there was the grocery store chain that required their cashiers to thank people by their last names. Now, I have one of the easiest names to pronounce and yet a good portion of the time I would hear, "Thank you. Miss Hater." 🤦‍♀️

In my early 20s when I started to think about a name change I told myself I would just take my husband's last name, whoever that might become. Through the years I tested out my partner's surname to see how it felt. There were only 2 men I would have liked to be married to but neither name was a fit for me and as it turned out I never married. So I put the idea on the back burner.

About a decade later the idea resurfaced and though I stopped the partner-last-name daydreaming I couldn't land on a last name to adopt. I considered taking my mom's last name but I just didn't like the sound of it with Natalie. So I put the idea on the back burner, again.

Yet another decade later the idea surfaced but by this time I was in my 40s and felt the name was too established. It was too late. I just had to live with it. And really, is it that big of a deal? So what I don't like my last name. There are children starving in Africa. It was way too much of a first-world problem to give it any more attention. So I put the idea on the back burner … again.

Here we are a decade later and this time it's different. "THIS time" I thought, "I'm doing it." 💪🏻

Though this has been a lifelong journey I never had a name in mind. How could I arrive at a place if I don't even know the destination?

I started by thinking of names that might have significance. Ok, honestly, I started with my dog's name - Bailey. Hey, Natalie Bailey sounds cool! It's rather sing-songy but ... it's my pet's name.

I thought about words that meant rebirth or growth. Names that represented nature. Names that were synonymous with kindness or love. This is when the ideas really began to flow. Yeah, I tried names like Shanti which is Sanskrit for peace. Lord knows if I could have anything in the world it would be peace of mind in all situations.

Eventually, I found myself being very intrigued by two names. I talked it over with friends. I pulled out a legal pad and wrote the signature. I even used an online coin toss generator. Then it hit me. One of those names I resonated with would utilize most of the letters from my existing last name in a different arrangement. It would be a new name I chose for myself and represents how I want to move through the world. Bonus, it phonetically would not be a huge leap from my birth name. Drop a T and an E, move the letters around and we have Hart. Yes, I could have kept it Heart but that seems forced to me. Besides, I just prefer Hart.

The other name I was considering was Loving. Inspired by the interracial couple from Virginia who fought their way to the Supreme Court to dismantle anti-miscegenation laws, Mildred and Richard Loving are my heroes. They fought for the right to be legally married to the person they loved. To hell with Southern racism.

➜ Too beautiful to be LEFT unheard

Now is where we get into the grass-is-always-greener part of my journey. It's fine but I want something ... else. Deciding to change my surname was easy. I deeply wanted to be rid of it. Deciding to change my first name is a different story. I'll get to that in a minute.

The middle name on my birth certificate is Jené, pronounced Ja-nay. Recently I asked my mom how she decided on that name for me. "It came to me. A kind of knowing." I have always loved my middle name but never had a chance to use it. Looking back, I could have used it my whole life as a nickname but I haven't.

In North Carolina getting a name change done is fairly easy BUT you can only do it once. You can return to your birth name but you can't put in for an additional name change. This made me think, "should I do the entire thing? Now? While I am able to?"

➜ heritage: Passing it down

I don't dislike Natalie as a name. It's a fine name however I have always preferred Jené.

For those who don't know I was named after my grandfather, Nathaniel. He was a good person, a steadfast presence in the family, and in his later years more open and affectionate. That was from mom's effort leading the way to a more loving connection with him. Turns out I was given the name Natalie out of family heritage and tradition. I didn't know that until recently.

So it's not without a lot of thoughtful consideration that I am letting go of Natalie. I even considered keeping my name legally Natalie Jené Hart and just using Jené as a nickname.

➜ a minor adjustment

On reading Jené; most people say Jean which is disappointing because Jené; is such a lovely sounding name.

You know, I had never heard the name before so I did a little research. Even though the name just came to my mom it turns out Jené, or rather Jeneé, is a Welsh name that has a few meanings including magical being. How fun is that?

I know people will trip over the name. "How do you pronounce it?". That got me thinking I was going to shy away from making it a legal first name but then I realized if I add an e then it reads and sounds just like Renée. I tested the theory out when I had lunch the other day. I entered my order into the kiosk with the name and sure enough they pronounced it right!

This gives me Jeneé Hart.

➜ Lastly, or Middle-ly

What about my middle name? Should I just not have a middle name? Middle names are very much a Western cultural thing though I read it is increasing in popularity in other areas of the world. Hmm. Maybe I should move Natalie to my middle name. Yeah, I could do that but it sounds weird to my ears, Jeneé Natalie Hart.

And then it came to me. ( and, mom, this one is going to be a bit of a surprise. )

I was born on my mom's 23rd birthday. Yep. Mom and I have the same birthday. I'd like to say that is what inspired my new middle name but the truth is I reverted to daydreaming about other people's names for this one. It didn't take long to hear the right one in my mind. Elaine. My mom's middle name. Now, also my middle name. From here on out we not only share a birthday but a beautiful middle name.

Glad you decided to read my name change story. I'm happy to have finally made this decision after mulling it over for decades. I'm not as impulsive as I might seem. Heck, it took me 7 years of pondering before I got my first tattoo. Another 2 decades before I got the next one.

I need to note, there are members of the Hatter family I love and admire. My aunt Marta and uncle Dick are such good people and have a beautiful extended family. My cousin, Jennifer, passed away the first year of the pandemic due to complications from Covid. RIP cousin. You are missed!

So there it is, my story. I can happily say there is no longer a Mad Hatter in sight. That's worthy of a celebratory drink don't you think? Let's go do it. 🍸

with love,